Unsettled

I had a rough night.  I shouldn't have been surprised, since I felt off yesterday.  I'm not sure why.  Sometimes, this type of feeling is related to my training and fatigue.  It didn't feel like that, however.  I was just off.  Maybe the universe was out of alignment yesterday.  I also have an important phone call today that might have me being a little nervous.  Nervous isn't something I feel very often.  It definitely goes against my grain.  So, I have my morning run to look forward to. Maybe that will settle me down.

There's definitely been too much going on in my life lately.  I look back three years and I'm coming up on the anniversary of when my life completely changed.  I thought that I was pretty satisfied at the time.  I was working part-time, mostly educating others, and under relatively little stress.  And then, in a weeks time, I made a decision that completely changed my life.  That decision fully came to bear when COVID hit our country, and I've intermittently had days like this over the past five months.  In truth, however, I've had days like this for the past 2 1/2 years. 

Finding peace is what I seek.  How that peace comes about is something that I continue to struggle with.  Writing about it actually helps in some way, perhaps just by acknowledging it,  or by releasing it.  I'm not sure which, or perhaps both.  I know that running helps.  Today's run will be interesting.  I had a day off yesterday, which could contribute to my being unsettled, but somehow I think not.  There were too many other things that were unsettling to me yesterday.  Will my run clear these out of my head? Can I focus on the beginning of my fifth week of daily 8 mile runs?  When will these daily runs become perfectly routine?  Will I reach a point where I will feel the same at the end of the week as I do at the beginning?  

When I did my 20 weeks of 20 mile runs in 2016, the first few runs were hard and left me feeling sore.  It was around the 15th week where the runs began to feel ho-hum, and I began to think about what came next.  Running 8 miles a day for 8 straight days is different.  Every run is a little different.  Some days I run easy, some days I run hard.  Other days are a mixture.  The combinations keep any of these runs from becoming too routine, any of the weeks from becoming too routine.  Maybe that's what I need?  Routine? In order to be settled?  I don't know.