The Empath

One of my favorite Star Trek original series episodes was called The Empath.  I've long connected with the episode and the person, to the extent that I've envisioned myself as somewhat of an empath.  On a certain level, it's a gift, and one that has served me well as a physician.  I absolutely have the ability to connect with my patients on an emotional level, one that I truly believe has been helpful.  Whether I actually take on the pain of my patients, or give them the feeling that I understand what I'm going through, I definitely have a knack.  There have been times in my career that this knack is a burden.  I have always taken the health and well being of my patients so seriously that I will lose sleep over it.  Again, this can be a burden at times, but I've always accepted it as part of being a physician.

The same empathic tendency has also followed me through my personal life.  I feel other people's pain, especially those close to me.  On a simple level, it's probably one of the reasons that I shouldn't buy a car from a car dealership.  I want to make the salesperson happy.  I don't do well when others are unhappy.  When it comes to family members, it's a real problem.  If my wife or daughters are unhappy, it can actually have a pretty profound impact on me.  It's as if I take on their pain.  If I were truly an empath ala Star Trek, this would be great.  I'd take on their pain and they wouldn't have it any longer.  I would deal with that pain and then everything would be right.  Of course, that's not what happens.  I take on the pain of those close to me, and they still have their pain.  It doesn't make a lot of sense.  So, I must focus on the breath.  I'm sixty years old and I've developed this habit of feeling the pain of those close to me.  It's not healthy.  It's a habit that I need to break. So, I must focus on the breath.

I've long had a desire and need to help others.  This comes to the fore big time when it comes to my family.  How can I help the most? Usually by listening and caring.  There's really no need to take on their pain.  In fact, that has the opposite result, because now I'm hurting as well and that doesn't make anyone feel any better.  So, I must focus on the breath. It's one thing to note the pain of others, but there's really no reason to feel it myself.  Old habits are hard to break, but you break them by forming new habits.  It's one thing to be empathic, but there's no need to be an empath.