Who Am I?

We had an interesting exercise in the faculty development session at UCLA today.  It was about our identity and what we identified most with.  There were about twenty items on the list, including race, ethnicity, religion, marital status, political affiliation, gender, sexual orientation, etc.  We started by eliminating seven of the items, and then three more, before picking the one item that defined us the most.  The decision on that one item was never in doubt.  Being a grandpa.  If I have to pick one thing these days that defines me, that's the one I would pick.  Being a husband is next.  My wife understands.  I'm pretty sure that she would pick being a grandma first as well.  Ever since my grandson was born, it's been clear to me what my job is.  To have his back.  I made that promise to him on the day he was born, and I will adhere to that promise as long as I'm on this earth.  In only four years, I know why I made that promise.  I feel it every time he says he loves me or that I'm his best friend.  I feel it when he's not around.  There is truly something unconditionally special about a grandchild, and I love that feeling.

It is interesting that he was born shortly after I had gone back to work.  During his four years of life, I've been in a few different work related positions, each of which took up varying amounts of my time.  I am, after all, a workaholic.  How did I balance that?  What was the importance of my work life during this time?  Where does that life fit in now?  One thing I know for sure, is that as he gets older and more communicative, having time to spend with him and enjoy being a grandpa is rapidly growing in importance.

Being a husband and a best friend to the person who has been with me for the past thirty seven years is certainly a close second.  As I will allude to next, married life is complex, balancing work, children, hobbies all at the same time.  But, I know one thing.  Without my best friend and companion, I would be lost.  I know that.  If there's one truth that I have always understood deep into my core, that is the truth.

My work life has defined me for the last thirty six years.  How can it not? Working 100 hours a week as an intern doesn't leave time for much else.  I've never been a 40 hour a week employee.  I certainly wasn't ever a 40 hour a week executive or business owner.  The reasons are and always have been complex.  A desire to make a difference, feeling a responsibility to work hard, a need to provide for my family, being driven to help others, in particular older adults, who have always been important to me.  All of these things have defined me for many years, they have been my identity.  For the first ten months of this year I converted that identity to one of being an Ironman.  I enjoyed that journey, but have decided that it was just one journey in my life.  As I blogged yesterday, I am on to new journeys.  I don't expect these journeys to be nearly as consuming as the Ironman journey was.  I don't want them to be.  I want to be a grandpa. I want to be a husband and best friend.  I want to be a dad.  All of those things feel right.  They are who I am.