Why does money cause so much stress? I was going to park in the Economy lot and walk the one mile to the airport, but the lot was full. It was also raining and I have my backpack pretty full. So, I decided to splurge and park close. $40/day for five days. Ouch! On the other hand, no walking in the rain. Also, lower risk of tweaking my back again. Besides, it’s only money.
“It’s only money.” What does that mean? It actually means what it says. Money is used as a means to barter, as a means to buy “things.” Granted, some of those things are essential, like food and shelter. On the other hand, many of those things are luxuries. They are not required for living.
One of the interesting dichotomies of life that I’ve become aware of in the past few years is that I actually feel more pressure trying to keep what I have than I did when I didn’t have anything. I’ve struggled with this and tried to understand it. Why is it more stressful to me to worry about losing what I have than it was to worry about actually having it? I certainly don’t have any answers, because if I did, I wouldn’t get so stressed.
My wife has suggested a couple of reasons. We have definitely made some choices in the past several years that has led to spending more money than we thought we would spend. Concluding whether this money positively contributed to our lives is much more difficult. In a very narrow view, there are countless examples of stresses associated with the money we’ve spent. On the other hand, looking forward, it’s always hard to know what would have been if we’d taken a different course along the way. Therein lies the rub. Money is nothing more than a placeholder for the worries we place on ourselves from our expectations.
Living a life based on expectations only leads to one questioning whether we’ve achieved or met those expectations. Considering my favorite saying, “perfection is the enemy of the good,” expectations imply a certain level of perfection. This is where I need to get in touch with my inner ironman. There is never anything perfect about an ironman. Something will go wrong. Why? Because, in the course of 11-14 hours, something has to go wrong!
What’s wrong with wrong? Nothing. If we live our lives in the moment, and appreciate each moment for what it is, only then can we defy any expectations. There is no such thing as “wrong” in such a world, there only “is.”
Since I started this blog with questions about money, I figure that I should come back to the topic. What is money for? Should we stress over money? What matters? What are ones priorities in life? Not in any particular order, staying fit and healthy are certainly high on the list. Having purpose is a priority that I’ve come to fully appreciate in my third attempt at retirement. Being a husband, father, grandfather and son…I started to use the word “good” before these, but immediately realized that’s what always gets me in trouble, expectations! There is no “good,” there’s just being in the moment when it comes to being a husband, father, grandfather and son. The sooner I let go of any expectations for any or all of these roles, the sooner I will forego the stress that comes with such expectations.
So, I come back to my parking decision. I didn’t have to deal with the stress of finding a parking lot to park in. I didn’t have to deal with walking a mile or so in the rain. I didn’t have to deal with carrying a 30 pound backpack over that walk. In the big scheme of life, those things will probably benefit me more in the long run than having an extra $140 in my bank account when I’m gone. I’m sure that even my kids would rather forego that extra $140 knowing that I actually reduced my stress today in a more meaningful way.
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