Letting Go of My Demons

Personal demons are difficult to let go of.  They eat away at your insides.  They bubble up to the surface when you’re not looking.  They are not healthy.  The mind doesn’t like to let go of its demons.  Memories can’t be ignored, but over time we can choose to reflect differently on those memories.  That is the key to dealing with ones personal demons.  If we try to ignore them, we are only fooling ourselves.  If we try to forget them, we are missing the fact that memories can’t ever be completely forgotten.  In fact, efforts to ignore or forget are not only doomed to failure, but are sure to make things worse.

I thought that I was over my personal demons, but I realized that I was wrong.  Anxiety has been my curse.  It eats away at me.  But that’s only if I let it.  Anxiety is actually my signal that there are memories inside of me that I haven’t let go of, that I haven’t accepted.  Instead of reflecting on those demons, and endeavoring to understand them, I’ve let them weigh on me.  That isn’t healthy.  It’s not productive.  It’s not how I want to live.  It’s time to let go of my personal demons.

My ongoing struggle is based on the fact that I care about everyone.  It’s who I am, but it’s an impossible weight to carry.  There is no way to balance the weight of caring for everyone, for inevitably, there will be conflict amongst the varying weights that I carry.  Is it finally time for me to reflect upon each and every one of these weights, and to recognize that they are not mine to carry?  That is how I will let go of my personal demons.

I've meditated every day since the beginning of the year.  This will ultimately be the key to my ability to deal with my demons.  Meditation involves recognizing when I'm anxious and allowing myself to identify where that anxiety is coming from.  I don't need to address it immediately, but ultimately, I do need to address the root causes.  I'll call those causes my personal demons.  Once again, it is unlikely that I can rid myself of these demons, but rather I need to have a better understanding of them, so I can make better choices regarding them.  One thing is for sure, being in the moment and allowing myself not to dwell on them is an important step in the right direction.