Journey to Kona Day 112: Feeling a Little Lost

Maybe it's the taper.  Maybe it's the altitude. Maybe it's continuing to struggle with determining my priorities.  Maybe it's the fact that I haven't fully recovered from the experiences surrounding my last job.  Today I find myself feeling a little lost.  It's not easy to put my finger on what it is, though that usually just means that I'm avoiding the obvious. Of course, today became a rest day for me, which is always tough when you've gotten used to working out every day.  I know that I can use the rest, and replaced it with catching up on e-mails and projects.  But there's something missing.  I spoke to a friend today about some exciting work that he's doing.  It brought back some memories that I've been trying to avoid.  But you can't avoid memories, they're always there with you.  And so, I feel a little lost.

One of the benefits of ironman training is that it is very purposeful.  I now have less than two weeks before Ironman Boulder, and less than twenty weeks before Kona.  I've clearly made Kona my 2019 priority, and so I really shouldn't lose sight of that.  I'm a goal oriented person, and Kona is my goal.  In the meantime, Ironman Boulder is a short-term goal, one with some specific potential outcomes attached.  It's probably time to start thinking about those outcomes.  I'm not tied to them, and they don't define me, but they're still goals.  I have other goals, other commitments, other projects, which might be getting impacted by my taper.  Or, I could be talking to myself once again about what my priorities really are.  I always have trouble saying no to anything, even to myself.

Something tells me that the timing of Ironman Boulder couldn't come at a better time.  I know that I'll want to "leave it all out there," and no matter the result, the effort will be self-transformational.  Riding and running the course reminded me of what I'm looking forward to, and gives me something to visualize over the course of the next 12 days.  Dealing with the emotional impact of tapering is always fun (not really), but I need to remind myself that's part of what's going on.  Maybe I'm not too lost.