When I was a kid, my next door neighbor, who was a bit of an asshole, told me a story of a paper he had written in college. The topic was "Why?" His answer was succinct, "Why not." I thought it was clever at the time, but honestly, as I ponder my life and the struggles that I've been having, I realize that it doesn't address the question. There is no question and no doubt that I am in my element when I am focused on doing something purposeful. Perhaps that's the point. It's not about the specific purpose, or whether one has a specific purpose, but that what we do each day is purposeful. That concept certainly opens up a lot more doors and possibilities for how to live each day and how to focus.
I think it's all too easy to get caught up in the struggle of the moment. Which is ironic. My Ironman metaphor has always been to live in the moment. However, when that moment is stressful, dwelling on it provides no benefit. Yesterday was one of those days where I found myself caught up in a stressful moment, or series of moments, and I let it get me down. I suppose that means that I haven't truly accepted the meditative processes that I've tried to learn. When you're hit with something stressful, you note it, you don't dwell on it. You accept the feeling at the moment, but you don't start thinking about how it will impact the rest of your day. Perhaps I need to add meditation back to my morning routine of reading, stretching and writing?
It is also a fact that I have too many whys. On days like today I realize that I have projects that need to be caught up, emails that need to be answered, work that needs to be done. I also want to go out and run, but I recognize that not only takes up physical time, it ultimately impacts my mental time. I suppose that I have a finite amount of energy for my day, and that workouts use that time up in ways that make it more difficult to get the mental work done.
My mornings actually are conflicted. First, there is no question but that I start my day with a routine in order to get into the correct mindset. However, I then have a choice, do I get mental work done, or physical work. That choice impacts the rest of my day. I've been struggling to get my work responsibilities organized and completed. The stress of having things waiting to be done tends to pull me down. Why?
I was going to run this morning, but I've already approved one textbook chapter, and I have one left. I also have a presentation to prepare for next week. And, I have a third presentation to prepare within the next two weeks. If I spend my day getting these done, I will be nearly caught up on my projects. At least for today. I also know that I'm feeling some pressure knowing that I have races coming in the months ahead. But, I've already promised myself that racing would not be an added stress to me. I know that I'm cutting it close, in terms of my preparation for finishing an ironman solidly. Sounds like the topic of tomorrow's blog.
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